Throughout history, the possession of a beard has had different meanings to different cultures, but it is the opinion of this humble writer that a beard can be a symbol of non-conformity and unhindered masculinity. Herein are the individuals I believe to be the most mantastic bearers of the beard to have walked the Earth thus far.

As the Greek’s say, “There are two kinds of people in this world that go around beardless—boys and women—and I am neither one.”

Leonidas

5.   King Leonidas I of Sparta – This king of Sparta may be more familiar to Top 5 readers as the muscle bound killing machine played by Gerard Butler in the grossly exaggerated film “300.” In actual history, 300 Spartans along with a few thousand other Greeks held the pass of Thermopylae against a significantly larger force (perhaps 200,000 plus) Persians. No small odds to be sure, and the fact that he went down in a hail of arrow fire after three days of consecutive ass kicking means that Leonidas’ legacy as a take-no-shit military commander will live on in memory for years to come.

Leonardo DaVinci

4.   Leonardo DaVinci – Renaissance badass defined, Davinci was perhaps the most brilliant mind of his age. DaVinci filled numerous notebooks with ideas in his characteristic backwards facing script. He was an inventor, sculptor, painter, mathematician, architect, writer and scientist that was at the top of the heap in an era that included such minds as Michelangelo, Copernicus, Durer and Galileo. The best part is, he is still inspiring poorly researched fiction and endless numbers of history channel specials.

Edward Teach

3.   Edward Teach a.k.a Blackbeard – Infamous pirate of the early 18^th century. This crazy yahoo terrorized the Caribbean and western Atlantic back before piracy was made sexy by Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom. Blackbeard hunted the seas in his ship the Queen Anne’s Revenge. Allegedly going into battle with flaming fuses intertwined with his hair, multiple pistols and blades in his belt and bandolier and a crazed look in his eyes, Blackbeard inspired fear and respect from his men and enemies. In his final battle, the legendary pirate supposedly survived five pistol shots and up to 20 sword wounds before being beheaded.

John Brown

2.   John Brown – Perhaps the most famous Kansan that isn’t Fred Phelps, Brown was a highly controversial abolitionist best known for his attempt to start a slave rebellion with weapons he hoped to procure at a raid on the federal armory at Harper’s Ferry, Virginia in 1859. Moving from the occupation of tanner to all around American badass, Brown dedicated his life to the eradication of slavery by any means necessary. Brown was dissatisfied with the lack of action of other Abolitionists, and instead elected for violence over discussion. He was unsuccessful in his attempt to start a slave rebellion, but was successful in polarizing the nation on the issue of slavery. That’s right folks, according to author Professor David M. Potter and other historians, Brown’s raid solidified the public’s positions on slavery. This man single-handedly helped light the powder keg of emotion and politics that started the Civil War.

Grigori Rasputin

1.    Grigori Rasputin – Known throughout history as “The Mad Monk,” Rasputin was a Russian monk in the court of the last Czar, Nicholas the II, in the early part of the 20^th century. Indulging in sex and alcohol to increase grace by sinning more, (no typos there folks) Rasputin gained a negative reputation so intense that he was once stabbed by an ex-prostitute that claimed “I have killed the Anti-Christ!” The Mad Monk survived. Later on, the Czar ordered the assassination of Rasputin and he was fed cake poisoned with enough cyanide to kill five men – but he was unaffected. Seeing this, his assassins promptly shot him. Not willing to go to hell alone, Rasputin got up and tried to strangle one of them and was shot three more times. Still breathing, he was then clubbed, castrated and rolled into a carpet to be thrown in the Nevea River. He then clawed his way out of the carpet only to be trapped beneath the icy river and drowned. So died a bearded, perhaps totally evil, badass.

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