I like to be spanked. The first time I asked a guy to give me swat on the butt I was simply curious to see how it felt. I had no idea it would feel good and sort of deviously kinky. But it did. And I asked for another.
For some of us, there’s thin line between sex and violence, pleasure and pain, but these phenomena – bondage, erotic asphyxiation, S&M (sadomasochism), etc. – are usually regarded as perverted fetishes. And let’s be real, these fetishized activities can appear rather frightening to an observer. I first learned about erotic asphyxiation, the intentional act of restricting oxygen to the brain for sexual purposes, when the brother of my older sister’s boyfriend was found dead in the family barn because he had apparently been trying to get himself off with a rope hung from one of the rafters. I was about 10 years old.
Several years later, as a middle school student, I walked into the high school girl’s restroom and found some upperclassmen performing what is referred to as “The Choking Game.” While these girls weren’t trying to induce orgasm, they were trying to effectively get high, which is just another form of pleasure.
I’m no expert on sex, human anatomy or how the brain works, so I can’t tell you why some of us like a little bit…or, in some cases, a lot of pain. The French, possibly the sexiest people on the planet, call the orgasm “la petite mort,” or, “the little death.” Perhaps this can provide some insight. Death is often regarded as a violent thing, and a good, strong orgasm is usually somewhat physically violent, but in a way you enjoy. Think about it. If your body convulses, your legs shake, etc., that’s a damn good orgasm. Perhaps the perverts know something the rest of us don’t.
But the rest of us are catching on. With the emergence of shows like “True Blood” and books like “Fifty Shades of Grey,” rough sex and its cousins have been thrust into the limelight. Gone are the days when bondage websites and the like were our only options to view the “anomaly.” And while access to porn sites is still at the tips of our fingertips, recent literature, films, television and other media have recreated these so-called “fetishes” in the image of Sexy.
These days it’s socially acceptable to ask your partner to choke you in the heat of the moment. In fact, just the other night while I was viewing what most would call a “perfectly normal” porn video online (for research purposes, of course), out of nowhere the guy put his hands around the woman’s throat and she promptly responded with an, “Oh, yes, choke me.”
While I realize that I was, in fact, watching a porno, I too have found myself wanting and wondering what it would be like to be erotically choked during certain extra-curricular activities, and I have to wonder, how many other women have felt the same urge?
Bondage, S&M and all other brands of more intense roleplaying have always been a part of our sexual culture, but it’s usually been kept behind closed doors, and truthfully, there’s probably a good reason for that. There are varying levels of this deviant behavior, and spanking and choking are just scratches on the surface. Dig deeper and you’ll find that some people get off by simply being dominated and treated badly by a “master” or “mistress.”
The point is that if you do find yourself curious about these alternative types of sexual activity, you shouldn’t be embarrassed by it or think that you are weird or “sick.” We can never know for certain what arouses us until we try it.
If a good flogging to the ass makes you hot and can assist in getting you “there,” I say go for it. If you want someone to hogtie you and poke you with an electric cattle prod until you come… that’s okay, too. What goes on between two or more consenting adults is nobody’s business but those consenting adults, and as long as all participating parties are okay with the activities they are engaging in, why should anyone else care? It’s all about personal preferences.
The most important thing to remember is safety, both for yourself and your partner. Even if you’re just performing “light bondage” or something similar, it’s important to have a safe word that both of you have agreed on beforehand.
If you’re curious about what’s out there, I recommend you do some research of your own. Just do a Google search for “bondage porn,” but tread softly. There are some things out there that could, frankly, scar you for life. And just so we’re clear, I do not recommend “Fifty Shades” for anyone.