Josie's Mug

Dear Sir or Madam Who is Currently Seated Behind Me,

I would like you to know that the vertical pieces of metal reinforcement upon which your converse-clad feetsies are “gently” resting carries the tiniest vibrations from your shaking legs and oscillates them into my soul at roughly 500 times the velocity.

I would like you to either tap rhythmically, thereby encouraging a good song-pairing, or cease your tapping all-together. The latter would be preferable.

I would like you to know how hard it is to pay attention with the vibrations from your appendages.

I would like you to look down at your feet, then glance at what they are resting on, then notice the earthquake-cadence you are producing.

I would like you to see my hair blowing in the wind of the quake. I would like you to see my quivering obliques struggling to counterbalance the roller coaster. I would like you to see that the notes I am taking are side-ways and upside-down and vertical and squggly as a result of my currently penduluming body.

I would like you to notice that I have casually hiked my feet out in front of me and have used them to propel myself outside of your reach.

I would like you to not exude that grunt of frustration as your shoes clunk to the earth, the resting spot suddenly unavailable for purchase.

I would like you to not also propel yourself forwards. I would like you to not regain your footholds against the undercarriage of my sensitive perch; to not regain your leg-shaking inertia.

I would like you to notice the little teeny tiny side glances full of shade that I am pitching to you from around my right shoulder. I would like you to appreciate how subtle I am being relative to how annoying this experience is.

I would like you to know that I am a woman of many chances, that I am willing to extend friendship again despite this hiccup in our current status of interacting human beings.

Above all: I would really like you to stop.

But not to apologize, because then I would turn to you and I would give you my biggest smile and laugh, patting you warmly on the arm saying, “no worries, really! Didn’t even feel it!” because I know that you know: passive-aggressiveness is king.

Peace and Blessings,

Josie

(0) comments

Welcome to the discussion.

Keep it Clean. Please avoid obscene, vulgar, lewd, racist or sexually-oriented language.
PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR CAPS LOCK.
Don't Threaten. Threats of harming another person will not be tolerated.
Be Truthful. Don't knowingly lie about anyone or anything.
Be Nice. No racism, sexism or any sort of -ism that is degrading to another person.
Be Proactive. Use the 'Report' link on each comment to let us know of abusive posts.
Share with Us. We'd love to hear eyewitness accounts, the history behind an article.