I have a notebook and pen beside my bed at all times because some of my most comical moments occur when I wake up and remember that I had written an idea down sometime in the middle of stage 1 or 2 of sleep.
I would like to share a few of these with you, in hopes that they amuse you as much as they do me.
the casualty of the too-deep spoon
You can tell a lot about a book someone is reading by the way they are breathing as they are reading
What if I walked around the Public Library and eavesdropped on conversations and then fashioned a poem out of it?
The hardest part of running 100 miles is not being on your feet for 32 hours through creek crossings and up mountains, it’s putting on compression socks the morning after you finish.
What if humans relied on smell instead of sight?
What do the different kinds of sneezes tell about a person?
“There’s never a polite way to have diarrhea”
“I wonder what I will put on my tax form next year” immediately followed by “no. thank you. I refuse to measure life in tax forms”.
If we could teleport everyone would be gigantic lumps of lard
“Learning to use less toilet paper” and other lessons from abroad
A chef uses the blood of his customers to make his food taste so great. For instance the woman at table 4 orders pasta puttanesca and she has to give a little bit of blood to the waiter. The chef mixes the blood in with her dish and that’s why it tastes so good to her, because it’s a part of her. In mirror of “you have a great conversation when it’s about you”. You have a great meal when it’s a part of you.
Commercial screenplay for Apple Watch: two cheetahs are chasing a deer and using an Apple collar to communicate through Siri
What would it be like to be with David Goggins in the apocalypse?
I might still use some of these, so stay tuned.