With the Memorial Union renovation groundbreaking having just occurred, and renovations currently underway, students will have a few different looking parts to their Union when they return in the fall.
“We’re about a month behind schedule,” said Dave Hendricks, director of the Memorial Union. “Ferrell Construction is responsible for bidding out the project, and we’ll find out who is doing the work on May 20. They’ll also supervise construction.”
The first phase of construction will be closing down the east and north entrances to do work on the northeast section of the building that holds the Information Center, the Memorial Union Bookstore and the old Hornet Express. This will mean moving the Memorial Union Bookstore to a temporary location in what is now the Heritage room downstairs in the union.
“The work on that part will last for the entire fall semester, and most likely into part of the spring semester,” Hendricks said. “The original timeline had it set to be done by Christmas.”
Following that phase, the renovation will concentrate on the dining hall and west lobby, Hendricks said.
“The cafeteria closes before winter break, so we’re planning on starting renovating that part of the building during next winter break,” Hendricks said. “The dining will be moved temporarily to what is now the Flint Hills, Kanza and Greek Rooms in the upstairs of the Union. August 2011 will hopefully start with the remodeled cafeteria.”
Some students expressed concern about the timeline and cost of the renovation project.
“To be honest it’s a waste of money,” said Susie Cruz, junior elementary education major. “I don’t think it’ll attract more students to the Union like they think it will. I also think they should’ve waited for the summer to start closing stuff down.”
Raymond Jackson, junior English major concurred with Cruz’s analysis of closing down portions of the Union.
“It would have been more prudent to shut it down during the summer,” Jackson said. “I would have liked it if they had started it faster, since I’d rather see them in here now than having it spread out over a long time.”
Alumnus Roger Heineken, information center manager, believes that the Union renovations will affect students positively even if there are some temporary inconveniences.
“I think the plan is very well thought out,” Heineken said. “I suspect it will transform student social life in a positive way. Right now there is not ample social space for events.”
Hendricks encourages students to check out the renovations webpage that is linked to the Memorial Union portion of the Emporia University Web site.
“There is a timeline and concept photos on there that students should look at,” Hendricks said. “Students should check it out over the summer, since their will be pictures of the progress we make during the summer months and what they have to expect when they come back.”


4. Chainsaw – This is mostly on the list for fun’s sake, since if you aren’t having fun during the zombie apocalypse then what the hell are you going to do? Being powered by gasoline, which will be a limited resource like ammo, the chainsaw will only last you as long as you have the luxury of fuel. I recommend a diamond grit infused chain for your saw, and after you unleash this puppy be prepared to take a dip in the local creek to wash yourself off.
3. Shovel – The shovel serves both a utilitarian purpose, as well as a weapon one. The edge of your shovel can be sharpened to be used as a spear, or a pike for a close range weapon that will still keep distance between those pesky zombie bites and you. Turning zombies into Pez dispensers should be on any zombie apocalypse bucket list. Secondly, you can dig trenches around your base of operations to keep them trapped for a zombie barbecue (assuming you have the fuel to spare). Lastly, if it breaks then it just turns into a spear/beating stick.
2. Machete – Some may roll their eyes at this bladed weapon, and would rather throw their support behind something like a katana. Katanas are fine to use, assuming you have the training necessary to use it correctly. If you don’t know what you’re doing you could hurt yourself, or the rest of your posse. Machetes are simple hacking weapons that require no real training to use, and will effectively cause wounds to a zombie skull if they get close to you.
1. Your Body – The movie “Zombieland” made this tool perfectly clear. When everything else has been taken away, the best weapon that every person has is the human body. While fragile, it can be worked into a weapon of nearly unlimited effectiveness. Basic self-defense, cardiovascular conditioning and muscular endurance are must-haves for any zombie apocalypse survivor. Cardiovascular health will be important for constantly being on the move in a world that will not have the luxury of constant fuel supply, and basic self-defense can keep small groups of attackers at bay so that you can conserve your limited weapon materials. The effectiveness of most zombie defense weapons is only as good as the person wielding it, so make sure to keep in tip-top physical condition at all times. Even if the zombie apocalypse never comes, then you can maintain a healthy lifestyle; something that can’t be said for most of America.
5. OzzyOsbourne – You could probably attribute most of Ozzy’s shenanigans to being a rock star, or the number of er… substances that he chose to partake of during the 60s and 70s. No matter the cause, Ozzy has set the standard for insane rock star. He has bitten the head off of a dove and a bat. On top of all of this, Ozzy urinated on the Alamo at nine in the morning wearing a woman’s evening dress. You can’t make that shit up. Favorite Quote: “Dogs smoke in France.”
4. Tom Cruise – I suspect that you were expecting to see Mr. Top Gun himself on this list. If it’s not the scientology that makes you think he’s crazy, then it’s the possessive nature he has towards his wife, Katie Holmes. I can understand being passionate about your chosen faith, but many thought Tom crossed the line when he criticized actress Brooke Shields for seeking medication for her depression. Tom is also notable for his jumping about like a five year old proclaiming his love for Katie Holmes during an Oprah interview. The man was once in the seminary to join the priesthood, and now is a representation of the insanity of Hollywood. God bless you Tom Cruise.
3. Joaquin Phoenix – Joaquin Phoenix is probably best remembered as that dude that played Johnny Cash, the bat swinging brother of Mel Gibson in “Signs” or the incestuous emperor Commodus from “Gladiator.” Phoenix was hit with tragedy early in life when his brother River Phoenix overdosed on an eight ball of cocaine. Phoenix began a career of his own not long after. I respect Phoenix’s work in “Walk the Line,” since it’s kind of like the white guys equivalent of “Ray” – minus the blindness and soul. Phoenix’s real claim to fame came about a year ago when he grew out his beard, and began his career as a rapper. Audiences were shocked when he appeared on the rap scene with his shades, beard and white boy antics.
2. Britney Spears – Britney is like the Hollywood equivalent to Dracula – she just won’t stay dead. She started off as a member of the Mickey Mouse Club after an appearance on the show “Star Search.” Not long after Britney was feigning innocence and signing multi-million dollar record deals. In 2003 Britney attracted attention for French kissing Madonna, and then for exposing her lady parts to a photographer while hanging out with Paris Hilton. Things got even crazier for Britney when she married Kevin Federline and promptly had two children with him.
1. Gary Busey – Busey is crazy enough to get his own category of crazy in my list. It’s like he snorts pixie sticks mingled with cocaine and Ritalin before going to any celebrity event. You never know what he’s going to say or do. For instance, in an interview with the Christian program “Prayer Hour” Busey claims that Bible stands for “Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.” Just your average religious adherent? I think not. He discusses in a different interview that before “finding Christ” God gave him the experiences of cocaine and living in the fast lane to learn from.
5. “Street Songs” from Rick James –Here’s James with dreads, a bass guitar and red thigh high boots standing on a street corner with what could only be described as a woman of questionable reputation walking away behind him. In essence, this is Rick James’ life put onto the cover of an album. His drug induced shenanigans were made famous by some court cases and Dave Chappelle, so the reputation of Rick James could only be enhanced by the fact that he died with enough drugs in him to make Tony Montagna cringe.
4. “Zip Zap Rap” by Devastatin’ Dave –The actual single from the album is an anti-drug song to teach the hopefully adolescent listener just how whack crack is, since we all know rappers are notorious for their staunchly anti-drug position. I am totally surprised that Devastatin’ Dave isn’t mentioned alongside such greats as MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice. I suppose this is white America’s solution for reaching urban youth – a guy who looks like a poor Lionel Ritchie. In fact, I think this cover makes me want to do drugs more so that I can hopefully lose the memory of having ever found this steaming pile of 80’s MC crap.
3. “In a Metal Mood – No More Mr. Nice Guy” from Pat Boone –We have an aging man in a leather vest who is giving you one heck of a shimmering wink. As a fan of such bands as Behemoth, Mastodon and Dimmu Borgir, the hilarity of this being subtitled “No More Mr. Nice Guy” is astounding. If the title, the wink and the leather vest don’t get you then the ear piercing and gold chain will. He means business, since apparently crooning metal is about as badass as Pat Boone could ever hope to be.
2. “Sticky Fingers” from The Rolling Stones – Wait a second. I’m not sure if they just greased a guy up and slipped him into the most sperm killing, voice heightening jeans they could find, or what. No matter what, this album cover raised some eyebrows at its debut in 1971. The original vinyl issue featured a working zipper that when opened showed underwear, but that probably wasn’t what people were expecting to see. Most casual observers believe the infamous… form in question was Mick Jagger’s, but in actuality the model is unknown since there were several different men who posed.
1. “Por primera vez” by Tino – Unfortunately, the first thing that comes to mind when I see this album cover is Ricky Martin violating Wilmer Valderrama while singing “Livin’ La Vida Loca.” The pose itself is classic, but the combination of clothing and the stare that just screams sex offender is wonderfully tacky. The strangest part of this cover seems to be that he REALLY wants you to know that he’s married. Maybe it’s some sort of sin deterrent, since those Daisy Dukes would drive anybody into a Latin loving frenzy.
Emporia State Debate took two teams to separate national competitions where debaters placed in top national positions.
5. Hades – Contrary to popular belief, Hades was not some sort of evil deity comparable to Satan. This god of the underworld was instead more like a misunderstood emo-kid that was given the literal short stick when he and his brothers Zeus and Poseidon were drawing straws for where they were going to rule for the rest of eternity. Hades was dealt the underworld, and he sat down there and moped with the souls of the dead and his three headed pooch Cerberus. Hades was so desperate for someone to love him that he stole his wife Persephone to gain a companion. In doing so he pissed off her mother Demeter (the season and harvest goddess) and forced her to make a compromise that created seasons for us mortals. Hades also had the ability to turn invisible and was reportedly the god with the most bling due to his position under the earth where the mines were.
4. Athena – Athena was the goddess of wisdom that was birthed out of her father Zeus’ fractured skull after Zeus had eaten his first wife. Seriously. Athena not only makes it into the Top 5 based on that alone, but she also was a totally armor clad warrior goddess who earned the title “First Fighter” in Greek mythology. Athena was noteworthy for her “take no crap” attitude and would not hesitate to turn mortals into nasty creatures for insulting her. Creatures made in this manner include spiders and the Gorgon called Medusa. Athena is also famous for being a virgin goddess, as she never allowed a masculine god or mortal to rape or marry her.
3. Aphrodite – This goddess of love was kind of like Olympus’ community bike – everybody could ride. Aphrodite not only consorted with mortals, but also had affairs with the god of war Ares, the messenger of the gods Hermes and the patron god of booze Dionysus. She did all of this while being married to the physically disfigured god of metallurgy Hephaestus. Not only was Aphrodite looser than an ovulating drunken pornstar, but she was born when the Titan Cronus threw the severed genitals of the sky god Uranus into the ocean. Aphrodite was born of naughty parts. It gives the exclamation “Holy Balls!” a completely different context.
2. Dionysus – Dionysus might as well be the god of college. Like Athena, Dionysus was born of Zeus, only this time he was transferred from a woman’s womb to his father’s thigh… Yep. His whole existence was based around getting drunk, having sex, and entertaining you. Dionysus inspired frenzied celebrations of excessive drinking where people would indulge in whatever sexual appetites they felt like at the time. It is no small coincidence that he was looked to as a fertility god. He also was the inspiration for theatrical productions in the ancient world, where theatre festivals were performed in his honor. Dionysus has often been referred to affectionately by a few of my mythology teachers as “the party god.”
1. Zeus – Zeus was a powerful god, but he’s number one for fathering some of the coolest figures in ancient literature, including Perseus, Hercules and Helen of Troy. If you thought Aphrodite was ridiculous in her pursuit of carnal pleasure, brace yourself. The powerful lightning god Zeus is not usually remembered for his heroic feats, since his dozens of bastard children have that covered for you. Zeus’ sexual appetite was in a word: retarded. The god got more tail than a toilet seat, and his prudish and overbearing wife Hera knew it. Zeus would transform into animals, other men, or sometimes nothing at all to get with a woman he wanted. He also gets my number one spot for birthing his children out of his thigh and head. Yeesh.
5. Cory Matthews and Topanga Lawrence from “Boy Meets World” – ABC Broadcastings gift to the ‘90s known as “TGIF” gave us the television series “Boy Meets World” in 1993. The series covered the events in the tight knit family of a boy named Cory Matthews and his ordeals that he faces as your everyday American kid. Topanga Lawrence began the series as one of Cory’s friends and confidants, and in later episodes blossomed into Cory’s love interest. The two were eventually married after almost seven seasons of friendship and high school drama. These ‘90s lovebirds represented all that a friendship could be for TGIF viewers.
4. Conner and Murphy MacManus from “The Boondock Saints” – Never has religiously fueled vigilantism been conducted with such style and dark humor then in the tattooed hands of Conner and Murphy from “The Boondock Saints.” For those of you that haven’t seen the film, the Irish Catholic brothers are fraternal twins that receive a divine calling to clean up the streets of gang infested South Boston with all the guns, knives and Irish stereotypes at their disposal. Notable deeds of the saints include shooting pornstar Ron Jeremy as he’s whacking the weasel, holding up a courtroom to execute a mob boss and killing a Russian gang member with a toilet.
3. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson from “Sherlock Holmes” – Whether you’re referring to the film portrayals of Watson and Holmes, or their origins as the fiction of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the pair of super sleuths represented the original “buddy cop” formula. Holmes played the unpredictable and eccentric genius that could either be solving a murder case or indulging in opium use. Watson was the straight laced assistant whose “elementary” observations and mature nature balanced out the often socially awkward Holmes. Their perfect partnership had its ups and downs, and showed how a working partnership could also be a great friendship.
2. Han Solo and Chewbacca from “Star Wars” – This duo was so famous for always accompanying one another in the iconic Millennium Falcon that an alternative to the shotgun rules called “Chewie” has been developed by geeky guys just looking for a good time. Han and Chewie were space hot rod cruising, blockade running, gun toting badasses who gave a roguish charm to the Star Wars universe. Han Solo was a Corellian smuggler portrayed by the still suave Harrison Ford (seriously, if you’re Indiana Jones and Han Solo you get to do whatever the hell you want) who found his calling to help the Rebel Alliance while chasing the tale of future wife Princess Leia. Chewie was the furry co-pilot of the Falcon from the planet Kashyyyk that can rip the arms off of people that upset him. They represent the perfect “boy and his dog” formula, but with blasters and spaceships.
1. Snoopy and Woodstock from “The Peanuts” – These iconic “Peanuts” characters top off the list of duos. Debuting in 1950, Charles Schulz demonstrated the strength of friendship through Snoopy and Woodstock’s fictional adventures. Snoopy was the dog of Charlie Brown, the prematurely bald boy next door. Woodstock was a small bird who was originally a baby bird that was left in a nest that had been built on Snoopy’s stomach. His trademark chicken scratch filled speech bubbles were only understood by Snoopy. The two had adventures as the “World War I Flying Ace” and his co-pilot, golfing buddies and trivia rivals. Their friendship is perhaps the most pure, innocent and long running friendship on this list. Their keen understanding of one another shows that even if the rest of the world thinks you’re a lazy dog, or can’t understand anything you say, there is always that person that will stand next to you.



















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